Ten years after the Chernobyl accident, and am I the only one that's disappointed? Still no superheros.

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

It’s the fall of mankind that resulted in a sin filled atmosphere

Lazy people tend not to take chances, but express themselves by tearing down other's work.

Capitalism will continue to eliminate mass poverty in more and more places and to an increasingly marked extent if it is merely permitted to do so.

My work holds up the mirror to hypocrisy, which puts me in a tradition of American writing that reaches back to Nathaniel Hawthorne.

I remind myself that no one day of writing matters all that much. A story is built somewhat like a stalactite - one little drip of mud and grit at a time.

What is all wisdom save a collection of platitudes? But the man who orders his life according to their teachings cannot go far wrong.

I'm hard-pressed to think of a lot of great rock movies.

Chicago is not the most corrupt American city. It's the most theatrically corrupt.

Frank Martin is a rarity. Dexterous as a player, writer and singer, he is thoughtful and skilled in his approach and passionate in his delivery. He is a unique, first-class musical personality.