Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Granny was an old-fashioned witch. She didn’t do good for people, she did right by them.

Quite possibly, this depressive illness was the familiar sort that grew from perfectionist expectations.

Destruction makes people go away so, if you hide inside destruction, you're safe

I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do.

An excellent man, like precious metal, is in every way invariable; A villain, like the beams of a balance, is always varying, upwards and downwards.

Man studied birds for centuries, trying to learn how to make a machine to fly like them. He never did do the trick; his final success came when he broke away entirely and tried new methods.

Real lobbying reform must end the practice of corporate lobbyists writing our laws.

Karma, ahhh. We sow what we reap... We reap what we sow! We reap what we sow. The law of cause and effect. And we are all under this law.

The key to branding, especially for smaller firms, is to focus on a limited number of issue areas and develop superb expertise in those areas.

Just do a thing and don’t talk about it. This is the great secret of success.