She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Only the church of Jesus have the answers to dispel fear

Time travel is complicated, or so we think, since we have not yet managed to actually figure out how to do it.

I know, I know, I'm being a girl.

Love means to love that which is unlovable or it is no virtue at all.

Don't let anyone tell you no. Do it with conviction, do it with passion, and you'll find a way

I've used too many pistols in too many movies. They're kind of heavy to carry.

Reason can never prove the existence of God.

Success is overcoming obstacles on the way to your dreams.

I was a westerner in Iran, an Iranian in the West. I had no identity. I didn't even know anymore why I was living.

I always performed as a kid to make my family laugh and was more concerned with making kids at school laugh than I was about the lessons.