Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Fear is self-awareness raised to a higher level.

When you change the way you think about a situation, everything connected to that situation will change.

May you find grace to live zealous life.

An infinity with God has always been a circle, not a straight line past all your mistakes.

I don't want to stay here overnight, ' said Harry angrily, sitting up and throwing back his covers. 'I want to find McLaggen and kill him.

Scientific discovery is not valuable unless it has commercial value.

It's a big thing to feel like you're doing something that's actually affecting people.

Bukowski said, "I know I'm good, so I like that people think I'm bad, because it gives me a dimension, effortlessly."

The powers of the mind are like the rays of the sun when they are concentrated they illumine.