Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

The real difficulty about volcanism is not to see how it can start, but how it can stop.

Positive or negative- use your mind to respect

God gave you a gift of 86 400 seconds today. Have you used one to say thank you

In vogue and cosmopolitan they clutch their Pomeranians and walk among the millionaires or watch from swayback steamer chairs

I exaggerated even before I began to exaggerate, because it's true — nothing is ever quite as bad as it could be.

We amuse ourselves painting our prison-walls with bright figures and brilliant landscapes.

I'm the fun dad, I am also the disciplinarian.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

When one is silent, those around speak even more.

When you play Bach like Chopin, and Chopin like Bach, something good happens.