President Obama is in China. Today he visited the kids who make our cellphones.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

We cannot see the best things in life, we can only feel them. A poet tries to describe those indescribable feelings in a language of emotions and inner perceptions.

A powerful vision has the therapeutic effect of numbing the pain of what it will cost you

the price you pay for opening your eyes is the easy life you can no longer have. but it becomes worth it.

The sweetest poison doth often bring the surest death (645).

I would ask my parents something, but then go to my siblings. We were encouraged to bounce ideas off everyone.

He hands you a nickel, he hands you a dime. He asks you with a grin, if you're having a good time.

My wife is a real camper; it's a nice way to bond.

Too much gravity argues a shallow mind.

... women are the pivot round which the world turns.