Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Loving you was hard, wanting you was harder, but kissing your forehead was insanity.

What a heavy oar the pen is, and what a strong current ideas are to row in!

When you have counted eighty years and more, Time and Fate will batter at your door; But if you should survive to be a hundred, Your life will be death to the very core.

You can't solve a problem until you address the problem.

I try to write in the first person - the first person not of a journalist but of a carnivore, an eater, a gardener, someone trying to figure out what to feed his family.

There's always been a struggle with filmmakers between art and industry, and you have to find a balance

The sucker's trap is when you focus on what you know and what others don't know, rather than the reverse.

You can tell a lot about a person by who his or her heroes are.

I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you Which shall be the darkness of God. . . . So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.

Never be too quick to criticize yourself. It's not fair to all of your friends and relatives, who are dying to do it for you.