My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

An unhappy ending makes it literature rather than romantic fiction.

I'm not interested in the difference between good and bad, I'm interested in the differences between good and great.

[W]e will do what we like with the bourgeoisie. ... We give the orders; they do what they are told. Any resistance will be broken ruthlessly.

I've had such a satisfying life professionally and personally. I hope my tombstone says, 'Never boring.'

You may choose your friends, but not your unlikely saviors,” Magnus said cheerfully.

At some point, you can't take a risk just to take a risk because that's a betrayal, in and of itself.

The greater part of human misery is caused by indolence.

A perfect day for me would just be a day that goes the way I plan.

Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few.

I never struggled with trying to figure out what it was I wanted to do or what made the sparks go for me.