My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What about when someone doesn't need a shoulder? What if they need the arms?

What If Following Her HeartMeans Rose Could Lose Her Best Friend Forever?

Only through becoming aware of yourself and your limitations can you be transparent with others.

Art was art, humans were humans, but art was best when it was human.

My mother still sends a cake to the office for my birthday.

For someone who's had the level of success I've had, there's been very little critical review of my work, which is pretty fascinating.

I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume.

The object of basic education is the physical, intellectual and moral development of children through the medium of handicraft.

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears.

If we are moved by a poem, it has meant something, perhaps something important, to us; if we are not moved, then it is, as poetry, meaningless.