Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Doing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.

I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Yes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.

Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not divisive.Those fighting to keep those people out - are.

One must not expect every thing.

She treats herself as if she is a divine worm born of sand and stone.

A painting probably is the most shocking increase in value, from what it costs to make to what you sell it for.

Shareholders have the right and obligation to set the parameters of corporate behavior within which management pursues profit.

I'm much more interested in shows that maybe not everybody loves, but a lot of people REALLY love. That's how I am as a person. I'm as extreme as the roles in the shows that I like to be on.

Fair peace becomes men; ferocious anger belongs to beasts. [Lat., Candida pax homines, trux decet ira feras.]

When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.

I will catch a wave every day, even in my mind.

[Footnote:] The Dotterel weighs only four ounces. It has long been a scientific riddle how so much wrong-headedness can manage to exist in so small a space. Still, there's the Least Gnatcatcher.