Leslie Nielsen Quotes

Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Doing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

Yes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.

Do your part to silence gossip - don't repeat it.

I played a lot of leaders, autocratic sorts; perhaps it was my Canadian accent.

I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?

The reason they call if 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.

The reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address.

Shirley! Don't call me Shirley!

I had always functioned with dignity, wanting to appear intelligent, macho, never vulnerable or insecure. But now I realize that... a part of these comic characters is a fundamental part of me too.

The violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there, and you are a comedian, and you're doing one thing. That is, you're going to make the audience laugh.

The actual distance a bad golfer is going to hit the ball with any club obviously depends on many factors, not the least of which is whether the ball was actually hit at all.

Those who the gods seek to destroy first, learn how to play golf.

I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.

When you see Charlie Chaplin, he stays funny. He doesn't become drama, and so what really seems to endure is comedy.

I don't think anybody can really sit down and decide that their mission in life is to make people think. I think their mission in life is to leave people alone!

Any sport that comes from Scotland is good!

Sometimes integrity is a punch in the face.

It's been dawning on me slowly that for the past 35 years I have been cast against type, and I'm finally getting to do what I really wanted to do.

I love comedy and I hope I never stop doing it.

Today, in my career, I'm doing what I love to do. And that is, do things for the fun - do comedy. It's a pleasure to go for the laughter.

I'm a professional actor. If I was a plumber, I wouldn't just do my plumbing in Beverly Hills bathrooms; I'd like to install air conditioning units and a few other things.

I've finally found my home - as Lt. Frank Drebin.

Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.