One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Doing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.

I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

Yes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.

In the fall of leaves, In the hustle of breeze, In the curve of streams, I foresee, Nature keeps more concealed, Than it lets us peep!

God will cause you to prosper, even when man says you won't.

Rosiness is not a worse windowpane than gloomy gray when viewing the world.

Shame is the power we give others to wield over us.

There's laws that we must live by, and they're not the laws of man.

The Third Way is simply a different route to the same destination. Ultimately, the choice is always between individual human liberty and the power of government to control our lives.

Politics is gut; commercials are gut.

If your vision dies with you, you failed.

The United States spends more money on African aid than any nation on earth.

There are moments when suddenly our eyes blink open and we recapture the excitement of living. Life becomes an adventure and we, adventurers.