I really have to keep an eye on myself, because sometimes I think I might say something important.

Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Doing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning, you're on the job.

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

Are you having problems hearing? If so, those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter, so don't be a punchline.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.

Yes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.

After failure, don't worry much. There will always be more opportunities and second chances.

Can anyone actually find a replacement for a lost loved one?Isn't there a difference between things and human beings?

As you explore new opportunities and new directions, consider this:• How do I want to make a difference in the world?• How do I want to be remembered?• What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind?

Whether a man is a criminal or a public servant is purely a matter of perspective.

I was not looking for my dreams to interpret my life, but rather for my life to interpret my dreams.

The mind of a wise man is the safest custody of secrets; cheerfulness is the key to friendship; patience and forbearance will conceal many defects.

No matter how substandard you feel your skill or talent may be, If you never produce your art, the world will always remain deprived of it.

In mathematics I can report no deficiency, except it be that men do not sufficiently understand the excellent use of Pure Mathematics.

Against boredom even gods struggle in vain.

All truths wait in all things,/They neither hasten their own delivery nor resist it