Life, is easy. And if yours isn't, quit whining. Oh, wait. unless you're just a head amd then, you do have it pretty rough. I don't know how you roll out of bed every morning.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Start with putting three of your friends to jail. You definitely know what for, and people will believe you

Until the ‘wrong belief’ leaves, we will continue to be robbed.

And now she began muttering to herself. "God, who created you, must have known what He did. Enough is enough.

the only realistic choice is to follow your dreams

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

I always see colors when I listen to music. It's difficult to explain, but when I hear the music I think about gold, blood rushing.

If John Wayne were alive, he’d be rolling over in his grave!

Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.

America always thought it was helping Pakistan. But if it hadn't helped Pakistan, Pakistan would have been a stronger country.

In the Way of Heaven, there is no partiality of love; it is always on the side of the good man.