In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

IT is only when we are no longer in control--because of sickness, death, or our own bad choices--that we no longer cling. The path to salvation is the path of humiliation.

He's grown into quite the young man since you took him in.""You say that like being a man's a good thing, " Nyx said.

Just telling the facts are no longer enough. You now have to be persuasive, charismatic, interesting, and funny. Just telling people things isn't enough anymore.

I listened to a lot of tapes of British theatre actresses and tried to learn from them. As Americans, we don't have such a gift with language.

Directors should not be forced to advocate anything in their works because of their demographic identity.

I'm asking Congress to pass my Zero Down Payment Initiative. We should remove the 3 percent down payment rule for first time home buyers with FHA-insured mortgages.

The greatest hardship of poverty is that it tends to make men ridiculous.

Give fear no hold on you. Keep sinews loose and senses open, ready at every instant to flow with the rush of action.

I can get a better role in TV and work more constantly than I can waiting around for my friends in Canada to call me every four years - which they do - and I go up there and play a leading role.

Almost starve, but I don’t starve because I eat very much