If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Truly, a life in constant pain is the life of the damned.

It hurt, and that is not a euphemism. It hurt like a beating.

If the man who turnips cries Cry not when his father dies 'Tis proof that he had rather Have a turnip than his father.

Italians do not regard food as merely fuel. They regard it as medicine for the soul, one of life's abiding pleasures.

Whilst shame keeps its watch, virtue is not wholly extinguished in the heart; nor will moderation be utterly exiled from the minds of tyrants.

Argentina is a marvelous place. Argentines are great bankers of information. They import information; if someone sneezes in Milan or in New York, they clean their faces very fast there.

There's a fine line in being too specific so you can't be too flexible, and being too vague in being specific and people not thinking it's meaningful.

sometimes i wonder does god just not care are is he to busy ignoring your prayers

Truth is more peculiar than fiction. Life is really a startling place.

Why would you design something if it didn't improve the human condition?