If at first you don't succeed - give it up. It isn't worth the pain.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

My heart is not available for hurt.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

If God is your world, what have you to fear?

Brave people may be persuaded to an action by representing it as being more dangerous than it really is.

What is a movie star? It is an illusion. It was everything I ever wanted to be, but it became a kind of shell, non? It was what made me famous and got me women. But it wasn't real.

I think that self-discipline has to be accompanied by passion.

It's such a thrill to perform live. You never know if you're going to get hit with a bottle or a bra.

Do you believe this is simply trickle-down Machiavellianism in much the same way that Communism trickled down as an aberration of its original intent?

All the shrewdness of 'man' seeks one thing: to be able to live without responsibility.

You have made a very good point: both the Prime Minister [Shindzo Abe] and I enjoy a fairly high level of trust among the citizens of our countries.