I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.

The sacred gift of parenthood is inscribe in the universal words ‘Papa’ and ‘Mama’.

You want to live?Yes!Then quit thinking you're gonna die!

Wish for what you want.

Emotions have cycles whereas love endures. Some people confuse emotions, which are ever-changing, with love's durability.

There has been a tendency through the years for reason and moderation to prevail as long as things are going tolerably well or as long as our problems seem clear and finite and manageable.

My eyes were often full of tears (I could not tell why) and at times a flood from my heart seemed to pour itself out.

I don't believe in bad people. I believe that people, somewhere inside, have the potential to realize themselves.

Any trade that is voluntarily made is mutually beneficial, by definition, and, indeed, is balanced, by definition.

Wonderful invention, the phonograph. Keeps a man alive long after he's dead.

If a lecturer, he wishes to be heard; if a writer, to be read. He always hopes for a public beyond that of the long-suffering wife.