If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Success is counted sweetest by those ne'er succeed.

And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine.

Now is the time to realize your potential and look beyond disappointment and focus on blessings. They are all around you, if you only take the time to welcome them into your life.

The defense of morals is the battle-cry which best rallies stupidity against change.

I believe that people want to hear good songs and they want to be moved.

Art without technique is invertebrate, shapeless, characterless.

Even though more people can build websites today than even 10 years ago, I think there's probably even less really deep understand of how a good website gets built than there was even then.

You know the worst: your wills are fickle, Your values blurred, your hearts impure And your past life a ruined church-- But let your poison be your cure.

Razo was sorely tempted to assert that all was true and he'd lost his horns and tail in a tragic childhood accident

I know a number of autistic adults that are doing extremely well on Prozac.