I was trying to get out of the night clubs and was thinking maybe I'll go to the colleges now; that's where you can speak your mind.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

I want to safeguard the value of lunch. For me, it is sacred. My family and I always have lunch and dinner together. And we always sit down. Food does not taste the same if you are standing up!

Life is good when we think it's good. Life is bad when we don't think.

Why is the AMA for 'Obamacare'? If this is going to hurt doctors, why are they for 'Obamacare'?

I have an instinct for finding the odd location, the dismissed face, the eerie atmosphere, the oppressed mood.

Most brown bread is merely white bread with a fake tan.

My father was adopted. He grew up in the Italian household.

I'm personally asking each and every single Boston resident to look after their neighbor.

Our opinions of the world, are confessions of character.

I'll think, If this is his first punch, how are the others gonna feel? That's the only fear I have for myself

Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself, "Here is an opportunity for me to celebrate like never before, my own power, my own ability to get myself to do whatever is necessary".