I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Don't overthink yourself out of something good!

Almost everything I've done is technically wrong, but Paul never mentioned the mistakes, only the corrective measures.

tomorrow's gone-we'll have tonight!

Some people can have a dark side, completely the opposite of the image they portray.

The finest language is mostly made up of simple unimposing words.

It's my duty to enlighten people.

I paint the way someone bites his fingernails; for me, painting is a bad habit because I don't know nor can I do anything else.

Katie Dippold, who I wrote the script with, she's very into ghosts and all that. So I go, "Hey, why don't you talk to Katie?"

By His life, death, and resurrection, our Savior has conquered our enemies, and by His Spirit He has granted us to share in the victory.

Certainly dog driving is the most terrible work one has to face in this sort of business.