When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Our choices at all levels-individual, community, corporate and government-affect nature. And they affect us.

There are obviously two educations. One should teach us how to make a living and the other how to live.

The media - they want to rush everything. They want to give their seedy opinions without knowing all the facts.

How do leaders serve their people? They may pay good wages and treat employees with respect.

Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent.

The world is now awash in data and we can see consumers in a lot clearer ways.

How different from the cosy world of Rüya's detective novels, where authors never vexed a hero with more signs than he needed.

If you wish another to keep your secret, first keep it to yourself.

A masterpiece of fiction is an original world and as such is not likely to fit the world of the reader.