I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

You have the grace for happy life.

If you are not yourself people will look right through you and see the pale shadow of someone else

We view ourselves on the eve of battle. We are nerved for the conquest and must conquer or perish. It is vain to look for present aid: None is at hand. We must now act or abandon all hope!

If Christ Himself needed to retire from time to time to the mountain-top to pray, lesser men need not be ashamed to acknowledge that necessity.

Please," she whispered as she opened the book, "please get me out of here just for an hour or so, please take me far, far away

As you get older, you find that often the wheat, disentangling itself from the chaff, comes out to meet you.

I also really liked playing Mr. Tumnus in 'Narnia'. I got to play my favorite character in children's literature, which I loved. You don't get the chance to do that in other jobs.

Socrates didn't care to visit the theater, as a rule, except when the plays of Euripides (which some think, he himself had helped to compose), were performed.

Tourists who go to Africa have more of a traditional experience than Africans do. A tourist goes on safari; Africans don't.

... because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.