I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

Freedom only exists in the choice. When you don't have the choice you are not free.

Freedom means you are unobstructed in living your life as you choose. Anything less is a form of slavery.

Everyone across America is tightening their belts. The only place it hasn't happened is D.C.

You can't teach an old hater new truths.

He knows that you have ability and what he does is he manipulates it and sort of empowers you.

Humor is one of the most serious tools we have for dealing with impossible situations.

What is a cozy home? Where you enter and you feel the radiance of your divine self.

I perceive that we inhabitants of New England live this mean life that we do because our vision does not penetrate the surface ofthings. We think that that is which appears to be.

You cannot defect form an insight. You cannot unsee what you have seen.

I never did allow anything to keep me from my kids. They're the most important part of my life.