Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

It just feels like meeting him again was like seeing a blank paper ready to be sketched, a different idea to be drawn.

Consider this a one-thousand horsepower divorce, sweetheart

Escape is just a will away.

Vampires should never say Uh-Oh!!

I like democracy. I like to be able to throw out my political leaders when they get things wrong, and we don't get to do that with Brussels.

We protest against unjust criticism but we accept unarmed applause.

Much harm has been done in the name of love, but no harm can be done in the name of respect.

History indulges strange whims in the way it dresses its women.

True compassion is about not bruising the other person’s self-respect.

Only a human being would be able to assess whether candidates are capable, personality-wise, of sharing and disseminating that institutional knowledge to help other newer and younger workers.