I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee.

I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

Everyone breathing is broken. Keep breathing light into them until the stained glass collage takes your breath away.

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

The focus of gap analysis should be getting to the other side. If you bend-over to analyze a gap too long, you'll probably fall into it.

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.

Social media is not just a spoke on the wheel of marketing. It's becoming the way entire bicycles are built.

The smell of new office supplies is so satisfying while being kicked out of Staples for inappropriate behavior with a file folder is so embarrassing.

We are all Romeos looking for our Juliet, but never finding her.

Your opinion should always be based on what you have seen with your own eyes, what you have heard with your own ears and what you have felt with your own heart.

We do not judge the people we love.

Satire or sense, alas! Can Sporus feel? Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?

A man of substance should trust very carefully an online networking friend whose shared images are not often palatable to his taste.

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.

The proper reply to right wing religiosity is not to insist that politics and religion don't mix. This is the stock response of the left.

Forgetting: that is a divine capacity. And whoever aspires to the heights and wants to fly must cast off much that is heavy and make himself light--I call it a divine capacity for lightness.

Things do not happen, we must make them happen

You know, if I started worrying about what the critics think, I'd never make another comedy. You couldn't pick a less funny group than critics - you couldn't find a more bitter group of people!