I often wonder how different the world would be if Hitler had not been turned down when he applied to art school.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

You think you have a handle on God, the Universe, and the Great White Light until you go home for Thanksgiving. In an hour, you realize how far you've got to go and who is the real turkey.

Contrary to what you think, your company will be a lot more productive if you refuse to tolerate competition among your employees.

Weigh the meaning and look not at the words.

Throughout my whole swimming career, I've never been disqualified once. I've never been warned once.

Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.

To talk to his children about God, a person needs to first talk to God with the impossible.

There is real beauty in my eyes when I lose my mind.

I think Jon Foo and my chemistry is incredible! Foo is a genuine introvert and I'm a genuine extrovert. We're the perfect ying and yang, on and off camera.

Life is a mixture of light and shadow, calm and storm, and it's all good.

There is no subsitute for hard work.