I never made 'Who's Who,' but I'm featured in 'What's That?'

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

What a greater crime. Than loss of time.

If, in Him all things hold together, why would anyone ever want to be apart from Him?

A good pickpocket isn’t afraid of intimacy.

I can't write another breakup record. That would be a real cliche.

His were the kind of eyes that held secrets. The kind that lied without flinching. The kind that once you looked into them, it was hard to break away.

Any person who wants to govern the world is by definition the wrong person to do it.

I started faster today which was good. I returned well but my serve was good, which was the key. I think I'm getting used to the conditions.

I love Love - though he has wings, And like light can flee, But above all other things, Spirit, I love thee - Thou art love and life! Oh come, Make once more my heart thy home.

Whenever we do voter registration, we ask, 'Why haven't you voted before?' The response is often, 'No one's asked us.' It's not about telling people what to do - it's about sharing what they can do.

I was a normal kid. I can't explain how normal I was.