I'm the only person I know of who's ever been pulled over for attempted speeding.

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.

When we believe we can, we do – even when it seems all odds are against us.

As human beings we're so cynical, so uncompassionate.

a little misgiving in the beginning of things, means much regret in the end of them.

As the king governs by his executive, so Reason in man must rule the mere appetites by means of the 'spirited element.'

Every time I set foot on that trail, I feel grateful for the PCTA for doing the work it does to protect and preserve it

As an actor, you're pretty much a hired gun. You are reading other people's words off of a page and doing what they want you to do.

Let one state in the U.S. be free of government and overnight you would have an economic powerhouse.

I'm still heard on 1,500 radio stations across North America every day, about 220 million people a day in 150 countries.

The limitless jet-lag purgatory of Immigration and Baggage at Heathrow.

Make history or be a part of it.