I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

There’s a different flavor to children’s literature you read after you grow up than there was reading it as a child. Things that were sweet as a child become bitter once you grow up.

To understand something properly, we need to know it a little more; but to know someone purely, we need to understand our inner feelings truly and for sure.

The film 'Tapped' illustrates quite clearly how we've been getting 'soaked' for years by the bottled water industry.

I don't think that comedians have a tradition of trashing the next generation.

Compliment others on the virtues they have; and they're not half as pleased as being complimented for the ones they don't have.

For a community to be whole and healthy, it must be based on people's love and concern for each other.

We can let the energy of love flow instead of placing it in a jar and leaving it aside.

Much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.

Maybe you simply criticized someone you hardly knew. You ruined part of their life. For them, part of your life, too.