I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

To fear God is to seek his favour.

I don´t care what name you called me before, give me a new name. My old name is not important but my new name is very important. Did they call you Barren? your new name is pregnant.

I've got to give my neighbors a bottle of wine or something because I was just screaming into microphones and learning how to play instruments, and it was a lesson in patience for them, I believe.

Let us have a dagger between our teeth, a bomb in our hands and an infinite scorn in our hearts.

Jewel,' he said, 'what lies before us? Horrible thoughts arise in my heart. If we had died before today we should have been happy.

When it comes to impending, unavoidable extinction, ignorance is bliss.

I say a lot of things I shouldn't say.

Personally I crave not for 'independence', which I do not understand, but I long for freedom from the English yoke.

I do think there are certain times we should infringe on your freedom.

Desire increases when fulfillment is postponed.