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Daniel Tosh Quotes: I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.
         

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.


Daniel Tosh
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Other quotes of Daniel Tosh


Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.



Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.



I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.



I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.



I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.



Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.



The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.



They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.



Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.



I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'





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There’s plenty of room for strangeness, mystery, originality, wildness, etc. in poems that also invite the reader into the human and alive center about which the poem circles.

There’s plenty of room for strangeness, mystery, originality, wildness, etc. in poems that also invite the reader into the human and alive center about which the poem circles.



Do not focus on your failings, for you will only encourage them. If you keep beating yourself up on the head over these, you will only reinforce them.

Do not focus on your failings, for you will only encourage them. If you keep beating yourself up on the head over these, you will only reinforce them.



It's time to give the gavel back to God, we were never meant to be judges.

It's time to give the gavel back to God, we were never meant to be judges.



It's basic research: shoot an arrow in the air. Where it lands, paint a bullseye.

It's basic research: shoot an arrow in the air. Where it lands, paint a bullseye.



The real pleasure of one's life is the devotion to a great objective of one's consideration.

The real pleasure of one's life is the devotion to a great objective of one's consideration.



I can secretly dance, I think. But no one has seen me so I don't know if that's a fair judgment for me to say.

I can secretly dance, I think. But no one has seen me so I don't know if that's a fair judgment for me to say.



The nice thing about growing up in that kind of environment is you were exposed to so much -- music, plays, art exhibits, rock concerts.

The nice thing about growing up in that kind of environment is you were exposed to so much -- music, plays, art exhibits, rock concerts.



Backing down can become a way of life.

Backing down can become a way of life.



The merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity. The believing man is the original man; whatsoever he believes, he believes it for himself, not for another.

The merit of originality is not novelty; it is sincerity. The believing man is the original man; whatsoever he believes, he believes it for himself, not for another.



It is foolish to be convinced without evidence, but it is equally foolish to refuse to be convinced by real evidence.

It is foolish to be convinced without evidence, but it is equally foolish to refuse to be convinced by real evidence.




Quote Description


This page presents the quote "I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.". Author of this quote is Daniel Tosh. This quote is about get up, funny, god, humor, heaven, speak english, hope,.