I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it

Say what you want about the deaf.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, 'Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?' I said, 'All right, but we won't get much done.'

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids.

People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?

Tell me what you listen to, and I'll tell you who you are.

Sometimes your instinct takes you where your body can't..أحيانا غريزتك تأخذك إلى حيث لا يستطيع جسمك

Just a smile from the right person can delete fear, cancel unhappiness, and even dissolve physical pain.

I'm a big believer of daylight in the studio.

As much land as a man tills, plants, improves, cultivated, and can use the product of, so much is his property. He by his labour does, as it were, enclose it from the common.

No one has ever conquered this game. One week out there and you are God, next time you are the devil. But it does keep you coming back.

Shawty Imma only tell you this once, you the illest And for your loving Imma die hard like Bruce Willis

The natural world is not only a set of constraints but of contexts within which we can more fully realize our dreams.

'Celebrity Apprentice' has more integrity and is the most straightforward show I've ever seen.

In every country, it's different, and you have to be flexible and slow and careful, and in the end rely on the experience of others who have gone before you and have begun to figure these things out.