I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Love cost its like working a full time job you got to put work and effort into it, and that's why it fails with a lot of people because they on the job part time !!! #GeminiStatus

A man may fail many times, and then he turns to Cosmic Ordering.

You miss a lot of a person’s life when you don’t keep in touch. Maybe that’s the point.

A delay want is never denial.

She had yet to actually call him by his real name. The psychologist in him had all kinds of theories as to why. The man in him wanted to hear her say it. Just once.

I'm really glad that Italy went out, they were playing boring football. (on Euro 2004)

There was really interesting work going on, for example, in the Mississippi bayou, where there were some really exemplary health centers that also became centers with kind of political organizing.

Not to sound cliché or anything, but with the downtime that I have and the possible platform that my work could give me, I'd like to figure out a way to give back and make a difference, you know?

But I don't want to be fine, not if it means she's going to let go of my hand; not if it means we're going to go back to being polite strangers.

The Enlightenment, the Age of Reason, is seen as the beginning of modern depravity.