I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

He is always doing something--the very best thing, the thing we ourselves would certainly choose if we knew the end from the beginning. He is at work to bring us to our full glory.

You couldn't not like someone who liked the guitar.

Tristan was the soundtrack of my summer. The beat I walked to. The melody I breathed in and out. The lyrics I lived by.

Women are, of course, more intelligent. Have you ever heard of a woman that would lose her head only because a man has pretty legs?

No art that is not in the end understood by the People can live or ever did live a single generation.

Susceptibility to the highest forces is the highest genius.

If you practice with your head, two hours is plenty.

I think the best part of being an author is that I get to learn about anything I want and explain it away as research.

As long as we're here, we are the occupying power. It's a very ugly word, but it's true.

Each moment from all sides rushes to us the call to love. We are running to contemplate its vast green field. Do you want to come with us?