I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

Trust and be patient. You are making it happen, in your own way, it its own time.

The difference between greed and goals is what you are prepared to handle...

Angry is ugly

The Old Vic has always been first and foremost an actors theatre, a home for great talent and memorable performances.

I am going to keep my mind (well, what's left of it) occupied by doing (and I never thought the day would come when I would say this) my homework.

We no longer have a choice between violence and non-violence. The choice of today stands between nonviolence or non-existence.

Loving someone is taking a constant risk with your emotions. When you find the right person,the one you know you want to be with, that person becomes worth the risk.

O Love, O pure deep Love, be here, be now, be all.

I'll catch you angel, i'll always catch you.

Though true repentance is never too late, yet late repentance is seldom true.