I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

I believe in living today. Not in yesterday, nor in tomorrow.

I could get you to smile like that, and without sales tax.

Liberty consists in wholesome restraint

It is quite possible to speed up the healing process to the part of the body that is injured. This all has to do with the release of chi.

I think it really holds you back having to think about your image.

You don't choose your passions; your passions choose you.

I can explain all the poems that were ever invented - and a good many that haven't been invented just yet.

An atmosphere of trust, love, and humor can nourish extraordinary human capacity. One key is authenticity: parents acting as people, not as roles.

We all make mistakes, but when I made mistakes there was no filter between me and the consumer.

Work smart. Get things done. No nonsense. Move fast.