I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

Don’t do your best, do my best.

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

An illusion is when everyone is in on the joke, a delusion is when you are the joke.

Honey will wipe the floor with you." His eyes went half-mast, and his voice dropped in evident pleasure. "I know.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done and leave out the bad things you did do - well that's memoirs.

Appearances often are deceiving.

The farms you live in will be yours for free. When mineworkers strike, it will be to complain that we are giving them too much money.

I'm playing somebody who is a recovering drug addict who got out of prison. It takes place in 2 weeks-the 1st 2 weeks I'm out of prison.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

I've never listened to jazz. It's just not something I ever paid attention to.

Love is not the absence of logic but logic examined and recalculated heated and curved to fit inside the contours of the heart.

For loving draws us more to things than knowing does, since good is found by going to the thing, whereas the true is found when the thing comes to us.