Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Travel the world until your Facebook's check ins finished...!!!

It's about paying attention to the little things, the details... Constantly rediscovering your partner, knowing there's a way out of any crisis.

A great work of art is one that continues to repay attention.

There's a hunger and a fervor that I have, but there's no person I'm going to push to the side to get where I'm going. I want to create my own road.

A little flattery will support a man through great fatigue.

Clothes are expensive. You have to buy them, and to buy them, you have to believe in them.

I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining. ... "Sir, could you please stop?"

She taught me that it's ok to let down your guard and allow your players to get to know you. They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

The silence before the words were spoken, is it different from the silence that came after?

I don't think a living being should suffer for the sake of fashion, period. End of story. You don't have to kill an animal just because you want to be hot and fly. And I really stand by that.