GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Hot passion is a bit like infatuation – it burns brightly, but fades quickly.

Bad management on your behalf does not constitute a crises in my life

I believe each person has far more intelligence than they have ever used.

My mom was a seamstress, and I wish I'd learned to sew because I'm obsessed with 'Project Runway!'

Well, she's not responding to my advances," he observed more brightly than he felt, "so she must be dead." "Or she's a woman of good taste and sense.

A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.

It is impossible to worship God and remain unchanged

Disney's really incredible on story.

I loved Jack Ford. I got him in his later days, and he was a total tyrant and a total autocrat and an Irish drunk. But I had a great time.

Evermore thanks, the exchequer of the poor