Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

It seems to Henry, as he takes his seat in his usual middle pew, that women are far braver than men

The Sufis, ' runs the saying, 'understand with their hearts what the most learned scholars cannot understand with their minds

Before I went to jail, I was active in politics as a member of South Africa's leading organization - and I was generally busy from 7 A.M. until midnight. I never had time to sit and think.

Remember, at the end of the day [election] campaigns are always about the candidates.

It is better to go stumbling, and weeping, and crawling like a worm along the way of love, than to give up and choose some other way.

I want to thank you for stopping the applause. It is impossible for me to look humble for any period of time.

The music stuff has been very difficult. It's got to be right, and even then, it better be on key.

When people are blessed they discover that their lives matter, that there is something in them worthy of blessing.

The golden eye of justice sees, and requites the unjust man.

When the enterprising burglar isn't burgling; When the cut-throat isn't occupied in crime; He loves to hear the little brook a-gurgling; And listen to the merry village chime.