Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Your brand name and recognition is important. However, to create a lasting and remarkable impression, you must remember that you and your brand are as good as the value you bring to the marketplace.

Tolerance isn't about not having beliefs. It's about how your beliefs lead you to treat people who disagree with you.

Men chase by night those they will not greet by day.

For me, creativity includes problem-solving. That's the broad definition of it.

If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being.

If they left you, you didn't need them. If they walked away, they weren't part of your DESTINY.

Oh! how the hours hasten to change into days, the days into months, the months into years, and those into life's annihilation!

Those who try to lead the people can only do so by following the mob. It is through the voice of one crying in the wilderness that the ways of the gods must be prepared.

A painting is complete when it has the shadows of a god.

My dad is a workaholic so I take after him in this respect.