Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

We all have a voice. Some a whisper, some a roar. If you can roar, roar for others. If you can only whisper, keep trying. Every roar started small.

Some choices will either make you perish or prosper, choose properly.

There is no such thing as a dumb poet or a handless painter. The essence of an artist is that he should be articulate.

I don't need much coaxing.

The will of God is found in the Word of God. The more a person grows, the more he begins to think instinctively and habitually from a divine perspective.

I always say separate your abilities from your disabilities. You know, if I could play the violin, I don't have to play it standing up. I can play it sitting down and so on.

Many people feel they must multi-task because everybody else is multitasking, but this is partly because they are all interrupting each other so much.

What kind of economy grows for decades on end but doesn't allow most of the population to share in the gains from that growth?

I was a crazy guy in Hollywood back in the day, and then when I switched into theater I got into work mode.

Others can give you a name or a number, but they can never tell you who you really are. That is something you yourself can only discover from within.