Ever since the day you left me, I've been so miserable, my dear. I feel almost as bad as I did when you were still here.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Dreams only come true if youpoint yourself in their direction

The Sun, the Moon, the Stars, the Birds, the Animals, the Flowers are all proof that a Universal Power exists.

Signal transduction science recognizes that the fate and behavior of an organism is directly linked to its perception of the environment.

Home is the seminary of all other institutions.

No one is born with greed, prejudice, bigotry, patriotism and hatred; these are all learned behavior patterns.

That was when the Spanish came in and conquered the Aztecs. I thought that was a clever thing.

I think I'm slightly impulsive, sometimes organised and always in search of a bargain!

Most robots don't program themselves.

It's not computer literacy that we should be working on, but sort of human-literacy. Computers have to become human-literate.

America is a mistake, a giant mistake.