Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don't like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

I am surely a creature. For what human has two hearts? But I have two hearts— one is always broken

Have you ever not known something but known it at the same time?

To be in love is not the same as loving. You can be in love with a woman and still hate her.

If there was no moral evil upon earth, there would be no physical evil.

The highest peace is the peace between opposites.

Kids shouldn't see all the violence they do these days. But the industry just doesn't care.

Every effort under compulsion demands a sacrifice of energy. I never paid such a price.

If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.

The prayer that prevails is not the work of lips and fingertips. It is the cry of a broken heart and the travail of a stricken soul.

As long as I can focus on enjoying what I'm doing, having fun, I know I'll play well.