Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Love as much as you can from wherever you are.

You okay, Mum?" said Rob."I'm fine, " said Rachel. She went to reach for her cup of coffee and found that she didn't have the energy to even lift her arm.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

I would rather drudge out my life on a cotton plantation, till the grave opened to give me rest, than to live with an unprincipled master and a jealous mistress.

Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.

You will never see a U-Haul behind a hearse.

Harvester’s heart soared. Reaver had offered to castrate an archangel for her. How sweet was that?

Back in the '80s and '90s, when GM was consistently posting giant profits, they were simultaneously firing tens of thousands of workers in my hometown of Flint and across Michigan.

I have a specialized racing bike, which is great because it has a solid build, is comfortable to ride, and is lightweight.

I have always said the French team is the most important thing that has happened to me. I thought deeply about it and I want to play for France again.