Doakes had a first name! It was Albert - had anyone ever really called him that? Unthinkable. I had assumed his name was Sergeant.

I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?

It's always me, isn't it? I'm not really a very nice person, but for some reason it's always me that they come to with their problems.

The key to a happy life is to have accomplishments to be proud of and purpose to look forward to, and at the moment I had both. How wonderful it was to be me.

When faced with people who have very limited conversational skills and no apparent desire to cultivate any it's always easier to simply go along.

Since I am not actually a real human being, my emotional responses are generally limited to what I have learned to fake.

It really is better to be lucky than to be good.

A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody else's box of matches

I mean, really: what kind of person could possibly dislike me?

I had become a perfect fake human, saying the stupid and pointless things that humans say to each other all day long.

Of course it was a terrible thing, and the world would be a much better place without someone in it who could do that, but did that mean we had to miss lunch?

Getting an education might be difficult, but it makes life easy. Being uneducated might be easy, but it makes life difficult.

Love as river loves the ocean.Love as air loves the leaves.

Your decisions will determine your destination. “No decision” is the decision to be just how you were at where you had been.

Life is a risk.

Insanity is just a state of mind.

The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

Often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

Comics can definitely be subversive on the whole, but it's a stylistic thing.

I need to write down my observations. Even the tiniest ones; they're the most important.