Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

He’d fallen in the trap before of believing she had the cold soul of an ice queen, but moments like these, it seemed more like she’d been encased a long time ago and couldn’t break free.

We cannot shake off three hundred years of fear in three hours.

Death is a departure.

The greatness of one's mind can only be activated when one learns to unlock the doors to one's opportunities and possibilities with it.

However well organized the foundations of life may be life must always be full of risks.

I think therefore I seem to be.

Kindness has converted more sinners than either zeal, eloquence, or learning; and these three last have never converted any.

I'm no good at really anything that involves motor skills.

The misconception about Hollywood is that it's a crazy drug and alcohol fueled place. It can be but there's also a huge sober community.

I thought the whole world was like Lorain.