Childhood. I wish I had something to complain about.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

I look at Van Halen as social workers. What we're really doing is creating jobs for rock critics.

Where you stand depends where you sit.

Maybe her own tears were the poison that made her grow.

There are some men's souls that are so thin, so almost destitute of what is the true idea of soul, that were not the guardian angels so keen-sighted, they would altogether overlook them.

And I say north is where I want it to be!

Frustration is a sign I am acting independently. The more you try your own way, the tighter the doors will stay closed.

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.

We're very concerned with language and how language works. We're trying to engage people rather than dictate how they should be thinking.

We all need a place that is safe and wholesome enough for us to return for refuge. In Buddhism, that refuge is mindfulness.

I have seen her [Hillary Clinton] in several other situations where she didn't look healthy.