Canadians complain too much. 'I like seasons.' So do I; that's why I live in a place that skips the [unpleasant] ones.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. To be natural is to be obvious, and to be obvious is to be inartistic.

Few born liars ever intentionally embark in truth’s direction, even those who believe that such a journey might axiomatically set them free.

Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.

The message of Jesus has proved ineffective because the environment was unready to receive it.

Here in Florida the seasons move in and out like nuns in soft clothing, making no rustle in their passing.

That is my work, to transform your life from a sad affair into a celebration.

You are the sunshine of my life, you take the clouds away and make me a rainbow every day. You're in my heart where you'll forever stay. I love you, sweetheart.

I think Hillary Clinton's nomination and I think Donald Trump's nomination, I think the media played decisive roles in both of them.

Returns decrease as motion increases.